Thoughts on death I know that sounds awful but maybe it just takes a different perspective
I’ve been holding this post for a while now. I have been apprehensive about posting it because I realize how cold it might come across. This topic is such an emotionally charged one and yet I wrote this using more of my upstairs brain. I hope if you are going through the painful experience of this, you will forgive the lack of emotion and go here to read my post on suffering. The past 2 weeks this topic just keeps coming up. That seems to be my way of being nudged. Sunday topped it off when Michael Sanchez sang the roof right off the building with his version of What a Day That Will Be. <—seriously, check this guy out (I’m not getting money for saying that either). It felt like my heart could explode with happiness. My mind was spinning through this article and I know that means, someone needs this. So here goes, this is me thinking out loud.
Death is one of the hardest experiences we go through.
For those of us left behind, to sort out the emotions of loss, at least. My thoughts have wondered over the topic of death for many hours over the years. Here are some of the things that my brain has decided.
I’ve had my fair share of funerals. Death has changed my life in enormous ways. I’ve experienced grief so great that I never want to feel that again. I know, if God allows me to live, death will touch my life a bit more. I’m not naïve, I know that I will mourn and cry over those losses too. When I think about the overwhelming ache that I felt after my Mom died, it still hurts. That pain doesn’t consume me like it did when I was 13 though. There is no cliché “it get’s better”. It does, however, change.
There are still times I cry over my Mom dying
…because of how huge the hole is that she should be filling. Times that I struggle in this life and I just want her here to talk to. Sometimes I convince myself that she would have all the right answers, that she could fix everything. Now, I’m a Mom and I know better than that. I’ll never have all the answers for my kids. Plus, aren’t most of the answers we want different for each of us. Which job, which spouse, which hairstyle, which house, which parenting techniques, which fighting strategy. We each have a different “right answer”. Although, I would still love to have her arms hold me while I struggle to figure it all out for myself.
When I step back from my feelings of injustice over losing my Mom so early, I realize something….
The majority of the reasons I want my Mom back are for me.
I believe in a much bigger picture than this world. Even though I cannot understand God as the beginning and the end, I know there was a lot before me and there is a lot after. God has created each one of us. He knew us even before we were conceived and he has a plan for our life. We have the freedom to choose Him or not. But, He wants each one of us.
Death on this earth is not the end. This is where I want to stop for a while.
I started trying to imagine life before I was actually born. If God knew me before I was conceived then there was something before my life here. Even if that something was just Him. Another question I’ll have to ask when I see Him. He created me and put me on earth for the few days of life God has given me. Why? I mean, in the grand scheme of things we have such a short time on this earth. It’s like a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes! 2 Peter says that one day with the Lord is like a thousand years. Does that mean that my Mom being in heaven for 21 years now, hasn’t even spent an entire day with the Lord? If that’s the case she hasn’t even had a chance to miss me yet. For me, it’s felt like a long 21 years with a great amount of hurt.
My Mom is in paradise with the one she loved most, God.
One day, none of us will hurt anymore. Revelations tells us there will be no more death, mourning, crying, pain. So that means death on this earth is the only one I will ever have to endure, as a believer. After running this race on earth (which is more like a sprint, apparently) I get to be in heaven where there is no more death. You see, death is not the end. Death is just the finish line to get into the winners circle. That’s when the “real” life begins.
Still, I sit here mourning and hating death.
It makes sense because we can’t see everything that comes next. When I sit back and try to imagine this bigger picture, it seems silly to be so sad about death. My Mom didn’t just die, she won! She finished the race God had planned for her here. It was an amazing race that impacted so many people, too. Now she is celebrating, she is singing, she has no pain! I am the one left, to finish my race. I love how Paul described this. For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. So, for me to be here is to show Christ to the world. But when my race is done and I finished that work, I get to
die win! Can you stop a moment and just imagine what it’s like to literally be standing in heaven. What an awe filled experience that’s gonna be.
Being here in the body is to be away from our real home. It’s like the old hymn says, this world is not my home I’m just passing through. 2 Corinthians 5 says I would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. We will still grieve for the loss we have from this temporary death taking our loved ones. However, the bible tells us we do not have to grieve the way the rest of the world does. Because we know that this life is only the prelude. Thank God, this world is the worst it will ever be. Our stories only get better from here.